Former Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has partnered up with manufacturer of hair care products ghd.
According to reliable publication AF, the new hairdryer range will exclusively use the ghd award-winning styling tools such as the Mike Phelan ear clipper, a Guv’nor dispenser, as well as a top secret addition that inflicts third degree burns on Scouse-only scalps.
The brushes and styling products will help create the hotly anticipated ‘Hairdryer Treatment’ trend for the coming season.
Committed to championing the work of respected artists, the former football United manager is a reckless winner and has promised to do all he can to knock Estée Lauder off their perch for hair care products.
Estée Lauder can’t be bought in Liverpool due to pronunciation struggles confusing retailers across the city, so they’ve been left with just Head & Shoulders to fight dandruff.
However, after debuting at Manchester Fashion Week (low attendance due to the COVID-19 pandemic), Fergie announced his plans to ultimately change hair in football, and secretly ruin the appearance of Liverpool players so that they won’t want to be seen again in public before games resume.
Speaking at New Cannon Street Mall, Fergie said: “Firstly, I would like to thank ghd for making this happen. One of the things that struck out to me when we were drawing up ideas and preparing the end product was that as a young boy, 16 years of age, all I wanted was a perm.
“Nowadays we’re even more self-conscious about our appearance. See Scott McTominay for example, if he was a bar of chocolate he’d eat himself. But at the same time he’s a good boy, someone who will win you battles, and convince Andrew Robertson into burning his scalp.”
“From the minute I laid my eyes on this new hairdryer range, named TFS (The Fiery Scot), I knew every head in Merseyside would have a singed look to it. Kathy tells me there’s a song our fans sing about Scousers and bonfires. How fitting I thought…
“I hope Jurgen Klopp tries it. He’s been doing my head in all season, and I have even considered telling Ole to do one so I can return and quieten that German pretender.
“My plans are to takeover the hair care industry, like I did in football, and like what RuPaul is doing with the drag queen scene.”
Sources at Melwood thought Fergie was doing them a favour by dropping free samples of the range to Liverpool’s training ground.
Now we must wait for the results.
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