A fat, drunken Tory’s response to UEFA

 We shall boo on the beaches, we shall boo on the terraces, we shall boo in the fields and in the streets, we shall boo in the hills…and tell UEFA to stick it up their backsides.

-Winston Churchill

No Winston Churchill did not say this but in the age of the internet falsely attributing quotes to famous historic figures as comedian John Oliver brilliantly sent up recently, we can pretend he did. At least I’m certain were he to hear UEFA were investigating Manchester City for booing meaningless a piece of music he may well have responded in such a way. Either that or he would have drunkenly called up Michel Platini to call him “an ugly, frog faced c**t.”

Someone who certainly was not pleased with the news UEFA were investigating City fans for booing the Champions League anthem was captain Vincent Kompany. Who correctly defended the fan’s right to free speech and ridiculed UEFA for wrongly placing a marketing tool on a holy pedestal.

Yes this may be seen by many of you visitors to this website as nothing to do with us, especially seeing as it as our noisy (and often irritating) neighbours who are primarily concerned with this matter. But then again, it is something we should be concerned with. Kompany bra UEFA’s response to a show of free speech by paying fans as “a joke.” Whisper it quietly but the leader of our rivals is talking good common sense. If anything he was being kind, I would go as far as to brand UEFA’s investigation as “a f***ing joke” as well as a waste of time and no doubt a fair amount of money.

What is there to investigate? A bunch of Mancunians saw a nonsensical pre-match procession for what is was: A nauseating piece of quasi-religious theatre created solely for the purpose of continuing to advance the unending commercialisation of the game and remove it from its roots. On the other hand, City clearly hold a grudge against UEFA for their half-hearted punishment of CSKA Moscow for failing to stop their fans displaying attitudes towards black people that would sit well amongst American police forces.

If anyone should understand the cynicism of City fans towards the self-aggrandising tosh of UEFA and the game’s governing bodies, it is the red half of Manchester. We are well-versed in very publicly voicing our displeasure with authorities, from unpopular owners to shareholders and of course the idiotic old gits at the FA.

City were right to boo the UEFA Champions League “anthem” which is in itself, anachronistic, asinine, artificial cack. It many ways it represents UEFAs attempts to usurp the primacy of domestic football through an over-inflated sense of self-importance and attempts to make another power grab in the world game during the slow, crumbling, downfall of Sepp Blatter’s FIFA regime.

United have a home game in the Champions League this week against CSKA Moscow (the K apparently standing for KKK) and a rare show of solidarity with our neighbours should be performed. As soon as that second rate piece of opera hits it would warm this cynic’s heart to hear Old Trafford drown out the absurd ceremony with as much booing and catcalling as possible.

Furthermore any other set of fans with any sense of duty or liberty should be doing the same. UEFA’s “investigation” of Manchester City fans is clearly a brazen attempt to suppress any dissent to the increasing sanitisation and crass commercialisation of football. A show of solidarity, even as easy a gesture as harmlessly crapping all over a manufactured ritual, would make it increasingly difficult for the people running the game to run roughshod over the fans.

I wonder what other shows of dissent could be contrived against UEFA’s menacing pomposity? A mass mooning of Michel Platini should he turn up at Old Trafford? Fred the Red dropping trou and relieving himself against the Gazprom advertising boards would be a fine sight. Sabotaging the UEFA flag with anarchist graffiti? My personal choice would be hijacking the sound system for the Champions League song to be cut out mid flow in favour of “Shoplifters of the World Unite” by The Smiths.

So I implore my fellow reds attending the match against CSKA to show some solidarity. Make a total farce of UEFA this week. It is the least an organisation made up of glorified, arrogant accountants and bloated ex-pros deserves.

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