Stretty News Santa List for Manchester United

Dear Santa,

I must say that your choice of colour for your tunic is exquisite! With such impeccable taste in attire, surely it is not too much to ask to deliver my three Christmas wishes to the bright lights of Old Trafford?

I would like,

A big, fat new contract for our goalkeeper. Even though there is a lure of siestas and sangrias in his homeland, he seems partial to a good doughnut here and even though that is not a factor to sway him, if you could put a whopping long deal on his table to keep him here we, as a whole, would be eternally grateful. Along with Courtois, there is no other keeper who has the scale of potential and quality already than Big Dave. As you well know Santa, 12 months isn’t that long a time in life, and we cannot afford to leave it that long to sort this out. This deal is one of our most important ones to finalise in recent times, don’t let me down!

Is a world-class centre-back not too much to ask either, or am I pushing it? Every defender bestowed upon us is made of the most brittle fabric and cannot stay on the pitch for a sustained period? I know Mats Hummels wrapped in wrapping paper will not be the most subtle of presents, but I can promise you we will not mind too much as long as you make the round trip to Germany and secure him on your sleigh as you’re passing over Manchester.

Finally, this might seem one of the more boring requests, but let’s keep the great home form going and pile on the misery on Alan Pardew. Three points on Friday will make the cold turkey butties and excess beer taste all the more sweeter.

Merry Christmas and, as Juan would say,


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