The non-stop, never-ending, 24 hour, dizzying rumour mill and questioning about whether Manchester United will sign a man who styles himself as King Arthur is reaching levels that are now more shrill and annoying than an Oliver Holt column. One minute he’s going, the next he’s staying and as of yesterday he’s going again with one “source” even claiming he was going to have a medical. In the midst of it all, United fans are fretting like a 14 year old girl awaiting on whether she has secured One Direction tickets.

It’s all a little embarrassing but it shows the mediocrity United have been served up in midfield in recent years, a by-product self-serving legacy building of Ferguson’s later years and full blown ineptitude by his hand-picked successor. The enormity of the task now facing rebuilding us is now really hitting home too. The quality of the manager isn’t in debate but the quality of the players is, even according the new boss himself who has described the squad as “broken” and “unbalanced” all while exuding the authority of a 20th century socialist strongman dictator.

Fellaini was a dud of the highest order, Cleverley continues to not reach his potential, Fletcher needs quality around him (if ever gets back to the player he was 5 years ago) and Carrick’s aging body seemed to catch up with him last season. Herrera is excellent but needs time to settle in and burdening him as the saviour right now is a tad unfair. So we, as a group of fans, have adoringly decided to throw ourselves at the feet of a prospective saviour, roses, confetti and all.

United fans are in the thrall of a man crush to the point where we scour sports websites and social media for a scrap of news on whether Vidal will walk out on Champions League football and the only financially healthy club in Italy to help rebuild United. I worry for his safety if he does join as he likely to be mobbed and chased down the street by screaming men throwing worn out y-fronts at him like a scene from Hard Day’s Night. A startling mental picture indeed.

United in many ways is a genuinely attractive prospect, by whoring their wares and badge off to every corporation in the world United can now offer the ludicrous wages offered by their rivals and not have to worry about UEFA’s financial fair play regulations. Added in to the bargain is one of the best managers in the world rather than some puritanical Scot who made the world’s best players say “eh? Who the hell is he?!”

However, not being in the Champions League is a turnoff for many top players. Which reduces your options to the all-out mercenaries and clever scouting to find an unknown gem. Unfortunately United need players that can do the business right now to secure a place in the Champions League for 2015, especially defensively, where we have 3 backup defenders as our only centre halves.

That right now quality leads right back to square one in Turin and King Arthur. I really hope we do manage to sign this guy, a failure to do so might result in a collective emotional breakdown not seen on social media in at least 72 hours and we’ve embarrassed ourselves enough in the last 12 months.

Meanwhile, Dale writes about the captaincy dilemma for the Daily Mail.